Virginia Does Nebraska

Tales from an opinionated Red Head

Fantastically amusing crime day!!! Sandwich attacks and homicide by porcine…. October 2, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — virginiadoesnebraska @ 4:07 PM

I know I usally bitch about stuff, so this should be nice change up for you.  It’s been a slow workday but a fantastic newsday.  So fantastic that I have literally been “lol-ing” so hard that I imagine my neighbors think I have a emphysema….oh well, I don’t talk to them much anyway. 

First up, man in NEBRASKA (I knew this state had perks) assaults wife with a sandwich.  Now, I don’t know if the ID channel will pick this one up for a new episode of “Who the BLEEP did I marry”, but I am going to write a lengthly letter suggesting they do so.  Now, like all serious crimes such as assualt with a deadly weapon, murder, etc. careful examination of the crime scene is clutch.  And here is what the police released, ” The newspaper says court documents don’t detail the ingredients, but a deputy found several pieces of lunchmeat on the carpet outside a bedroom and some pieces of bread in the bedroom.”  HAHAHAHAHA.  Well damn, if the salami don’t fit you must aquit!!!  Also, I find the fact that the officers could not or did not bother to identify the lunch meat was just careless.  For example, what if that lunch meat had Salmonella or E.coli?  You could trump the charges up to assault with a ‘deadly’ weapon!!!  AND what about condiments?  Like what if this guy was a known mayonnaise hater yet, there were traces of mayo on the sandwich, thereby PROVING the wife set him up with her own sandwich.  I look forward to following this case with glee, and I hope to see some pictures of our perpretrator who I will lovingly dub “the Sandwhich Smasher”.

Next up we have the farmer who went to feed his hogs and never came back.  All that were left was “body parts” and his dentures.  I would like to point out that this man was caring for a large number of pigs who were greater than 700lbs….pigs are cool, but remember, pigs, having been enslaved and repressed for many years, not to mention used as food (gasp!) are smart creatures ripe for revenge.  Did farmer Bob have a heart attack and then fall victim to natural omnivorous pig behavior?  Or did he fall victim to what we might call a hate crime?  He was obviously targeted by a separate race who, for obvious reasons would hate this human man, and one day they had enough.  I like to call this a little bit of porcine poetry….who’s eating who now Bob?

Last, but so not least, is the gentleman in Washington who shot a gun through the drive thru window.  Now, any of you who live in Omaha, NE or Greenwood, SC may feel sympathy for this man.  I have oftentimes comtemplated the .357 in my glove box by minute 16 at local “fast food” joints as well.  But what makes this story even better is how it all went down.  Dude drives up to the window with music blaring (which obviously his mother taught him no bumpin’ manners….you always turn it down for cops, fast food, or pre-robbery).  The ballsy worker had the nerve to ask him to turn down the radio so he could hear what the dude was asking.  Dude then proceeds to ask for ranch sauce (in my head this is how I hear it, “Yo foo’ gets me sum o dat bangin’ ranch sauce!”) and then BAM whips out a gun and shoots up the place!!!!  It did not specify if the gentleman got his ranch sauce.  I would like to dub this “The Burger Banger”.  Happily, no one was physically injured, but I imagine that the drive through worker will never ask a patron to turn down the music again..

Thank you news for such a wonderful day!!!!  Keep it coming October crazies!

Advertisements
 

Ermegherd…I’m urpshy dern! August 13, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — virginiadoesnebraska @ 11:40 PM
Tags:

What an interesting week. I feel like I’m upside down. I watch my dog, General, sleep happily upside down and normally think nothing of it. However, when I took this pic, I focused on it a little more and found myself realizing I too am upside down.

I remember being 22 and thinking to myself, “when I’m 30 I’ll be married and have at least 2 kids…”. Well, obviously I missed that pre grown up pseudo dream, and now have different dreams.

All I thought, or perhaps was taught, that I should want or strive to be has been turned upside down. I’ve found that my strength lies in my work and passion for something as “boring” as regulatory affairs. It seems to be the one thing I excel at. I played soccer, but I was never número uno. I dated, and I obviously suck at that. And lo and behold, who’d a thunk, this zany redhead could buck up and stand toe to toe with the likes of P&G’s regulatory gurus.

Don’t get me wrong, I see other peoples lives and wonder, is there something screwy with me? People ask all the time, “why aren’t you married?”. I don’t know whether to tell them I just never got around to it because I’ve moved 5 times in the last 6 years or maybe nobody can put up with me. I think either is a good excuse.

Point of my anecdote is that I feel like the exact opposite of the feminie role that existed in the 50s and am proud of my accomplishments. However, it’s still a fact that women are paid 70 cents on the dollar of their male counterparts. I think this is hilarious. As a 27 year old female I got into pet food regulatory and within a year was speaking on a panel in Washington DC in front of industry and FDA and USDA. I didn’t see any guys there near my age at the panel or even in the crowd.

So, perhaps I may not get married before I’m forty, but I certainly have made my way in a man’s world with many admiring high ranking regulators and business men in my wake.

Give me 5 more years and I’m going I even it out for the ladies! Besides, what else do I have to do?

20120813-234020.jpg

 

I love my dog. July 24, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — virginiadoesnebraska @ 12:02 AM

General can sleep anywhere in the house. The guest bed, the sofa, the bathroom floor. But General chooses to sleep curled up tight next to me, and that’s why I love him like nothing else I’ve ever loved. Now, he’s a boy, and he will never openly tell you just how much he loves and adores you. He waits until he thinks I’m asleep then leaves his spot on the floor to come right up behind my folded knees and tightly curls his full weight into me. Some nights I pretend to be fully asleep to wait for this moment, and others I wake in the middle of the night to find him there. But I always sleep soundly because whether I know it or not, he’s always curled up with me. May it be in bed or just my heart. All these long years of moving and new cities, I’ve never felt alone. General is the love of this girls life 😉

20120723-235956.jpg

 

Why High School Boys Keep Our Hearts June 21, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — virginiadoesnebraska @ 12:26 AM

I’m navigating the world of the single woman everyday. It’s difficult and exciting at the same time. But recently I’ve had an epiphany. The boys we grew up with think better of us than the guys we try to date: Fact.

Why? Well it’s simple. The guys we grew up with were our friends before any of us thought about relationships. We played sports, teased, and hung out with each other before we had other ulterior motives. It’s simple and sweet. We got along.

So now in our late 20s dare I mention approaching 30 it’s hard to find a new guy that knows us and has true respect for our eccentric and individual awesomeness.

Ok,ok, I know you are wondering my point. My point is, guys you meet in whatever city you are in, have no clue ( like your boys do) how great you are. You are another piece of meat to be conquered and maybe, they’ll pause for a second to see your awesomeness, or maybe they won’t.

But the boys you grew up with will always tell you your strengths and coach you in your weaknesses
, and that’s why I love them. They are the ones that counsel you when you feel like a loser because they truly believe that you are worthy of something good.

So cheers to the boys in our lives that love us and would kick some dumb guys ass if they are mean to us!

 

Tough Father’s Day June 18, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — virginiadoesnebraska @ 12:17 AM

Today is a hard day. I love my father very much, he taught me all the things I needed to know in life: how to ride horses, guns, history,backpacking…

I have found that the more you love someone, the easier it is to be very angry with them. I’ve spent my life worrying about my father, like I was the parent. I’ve spent a large part of my life being under his control and therefore having to deal with him in order to pay bills (college).

As I looked through everyone’s pictures and posts on Facebook I was jealous today. Things w my father are far from perfect and today, with other peoples pics and stories, I felt it more than usual. What do I say? Besides I wish I had the perfect story and pictures to go along with it? I can’t say that, but I can say that perfect or not, I love my father and am forever grateful for the person that he created with his love, knowledge, and humor.

I love you dad, even if I can’t show it well at this moment in time.

 

Pink slime…get your learn on people!!!! (reposted from old blog) May 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — virginiadoesnebraska @ 2:06 PM
Tags: , ,

Ok, I’ve been following the pink slime debacle, otherwise known as lean fine textured beef, and those of you on FB know I get passionate about it.  It’s not even the LFTB in general, but it’s everyone’s willingness to attack and industry without doing their research.  It’s also everyone’s idea that the food industry is evil and profit seeking and doesn’t care about the people they feed.  I just don’t understand??  Maybe that’s because I’m an insider, but those of you who know me can attest that I’m not evil, I don’t want anyone, including myself, my friends, or family, to ever eat something that will hurt them.  However, since when did we as Americans with a hint of education believe that anything, much less a food product, can EVER be 100% safe?  And, if it is safe as it can be, are we really going to get pissed because we don’t like the way it was produced?

Let me tell you this people, and I’m no genius, but I know my shit…..The food industry can make safe products, but unless you are willing to have additives, like ammonia (which is perfectly safe and also occurs in meat naturally) or irradiation, you are running in circles.  People constantly cry out for safe affordable food, and industry complies.  Then, some British dude gets on tv and does an inaccurate demonstration and people go off their rockers….let me educate you about LFTB that I would happily munch on as have YOU for the past years….

LFTB is produced by taking the trimmings that people on the production line have cut off and set aside.  It’s then put into a centrifuge ( a machine that spins it around and around) and heated so that the fat separates from the REAL BEEF MEAT.  The fat is spun out and you are left with just the beef protein.  Afterwards, to ensure food safety, it is treated with ammonia gas, which is a USDA approved food additive that kills bacteria.  I just wish people would google ground beef production and understand without interventions like ammonia gas or irradiation (that the public cries out against since they don’t understand how safe and effective it is) it’s almost impossible to ensure safe meat.  There is no way to keep fecal contamination from the hides from finding it’s way onto the carcass.  I mean really, anyone who has ever seen a cow’s ass knows how messy they are. 

So, if you want completely natural products without safe interventions like ammonia or irradiation, have at it.  But I personally don’t want to hear you bitch when you get E. Coli.  Let the scientists and experts do their best to protect you.  Yes, they want to make money, but who doesn’t??  Who starts a business with the hopes of pissing consumers off, making no money, or running it like a charity?  Industry tries to make a safe and wholesome product for as cheap as possible, why? So you can afford it and yes, so they can make a buck.  Do you think Apple is in business to make you happy for free?  To feed your electronic addiction for nothing because they are nice?  Just sayin…..

PS-Food additives and industry ingenuity has been feeding you and keeping you alive for years, and nothing is 100% safe…..ever.  Not even your water supply.